KabbalahChick.com

My spiritual growth in and outside of Kabbalah

Are you deserving? Or even your pets deserve more than you?

my personal story - Sophie Benshitta Maven

 


Many of us don’t bother to ask for more, or to challenge our status quo, or to dream bigger because we don’t feel like we deserve it. We feel, at the core, that we are “wrong.”

When we feel “wrong” in speaking up or fulfilling a deep need, it’s because we are getting in touch with something that wasn’t accepted in us when we were younger, or in a past life. For example, when people who weren’t allowed to feel joy start feeling joy, it confuses them, and even makes them uncomfortable. That’s why we sabotage ourselves.

Today, get in touch with what feels wrong to you. Give yourself permission to feel right.

Another aspect of this “being wrong” or “being the wrong one” is that we put everyone’s need before ours.

I developed that characteristic over time.

Just a week ago I had two cats that I spent more money on their food than my own, spent more time worrying about their well-being than mine.

One cat, an abandoned male cat was especially at the receiving end of my “selfless giving kindness.”

He showed his gratitude by using my apartment as a big litter box. I now have 5 litter boxes, but he still preferred the area behind my computers. I guess he wanted me to think of him when I work.

This past Sunday I had this thought that maybe I, and my well being is more important than keeping this cat in.

I threw him out. I cried all day. I was sure everyone will say that I was a heartless person. But all my friends celebrated my courage to disrupt this “martyr-like” behavior.

It’s been four days. I am at peace. I am enjoying my house. I enjoy time with my other cat. I eat undisturbed, I can keep the door closed, and I can sleep till 7 am without a cat waking me to take him out to pee.

Am I heartless? Maybe. But I definitely crossed some barrier with regards to my self-worth. Let’s see where it takes me.

Please add your two cents worth… (or a dollar?)

Tags: my personal story

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