Agreements That Were Never Made… but they do look like broken agreements.
Life looks like it is governed by agreements, social, cultural, personal agreements. Some of them were agreed to, others weren’t.
In a way it is very similar to standards, especially when we look at the state it leaves YOU.
Any time people (or life) should, or ought to… and don’t, you are in shambles, or angry, but definitely disempowered. Which is a $5 word for lacking power. Power to do what you want to do, what you need to do, to feel good about yourself and the world, etc.
Some of these “agreements” just land on you, as part of a cultural conspiracy. Like you are never good enough. Your parents never love you enough. Like you never got the pony that your parents should have bought you, because they knew how much you wanted it.
Some of these standards and agreements are very useful for the society, but that doesn’t mean they are real agreements. Like parents should love their children. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. My adopted clients especially caught up in this one. That mothers should keep their children, no matter what. Or some friends are caught up in this: a pregnant person should keep the baby no matter what.
No one is spared, yourself included. Everyone is guilty most of the time.
What to do?
Your job is to pay attention to your relationships deteriorating. Pay attention to the space that sneaks into your intimate relationships.
They are the clue that you are dealing with a “broken agreement.”
Look what is the assumed agreement. Who broke what agreement. Was that agreement ever made, in words, between two people? Like I promise I will always love you… or I promise I will never leave the toilet seat up… Like with real words, spoken to you.
Notice that there are a ton of stuff you haven’t said because you assumed that there is already an agreement in place.
If you need an agreement, it is your job to ask for one. So go, release people from the clutch of broken agreement, and where you need some, make some new agreements.
Experience life anew. With power.