KabbalahChick.com » my personal story

Why people are coming to this blog for weight loss info… hm.

KabbalahChick — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:03:06 +0000

Reading time: 2 – 4 minutes

Like most blog, this one has a couple of software programs installed that tell me how many people visit this site, and how they got here. I can even see what they searched for to get to this site.

So, the past month or so, about 80% of the visitors came after they looked for weightloss… wow. Weird. but then again, there are no accidents in the Universe, really, no accidents.

When you can see behind the curtain, like in the Wizard of Oz, you can see the connections, plain and clear.

Let me reveal a little magic for you: at about the same time this rush of weightloss traffic started to come to this site, at the exact time, I had a revelation: that what’s been keeping me fat is what I didn’t know. Ha-ha… not very funny, is it?

About a month ago I heard that sugar, in quantities high enough (how about 6 grams… that’s one and a half teaspoon of granulated sugar… a bottle of coke has 42 grams of sugar in it) trigger a release of insulin, and insulin’s secondary job is to turn sugar into stored fat. Mainly around your waistline.

Now, that, I kind of knew… didn’t live like I knew, but as book knowledge goes, I knew it. But I found out something dramatic for me: a glass of milk contains 9 grams of sugar. My milk consumption was, at the time, a little over a liter a day. That is, my friend, 56 grams of sugar. Neatly concealed in whiteness…

Now, that was a wakeup call. It was loud and clear, that it wasn’t my genes, my age, it was the sugar that I unwittingly consumed that had kept me fat.

I went cold turkey, and cut out the milk. I have been putting a little bit of heavy cream into my tea, since then, and… drumroll please, I have dropped ten pounds, just by cutting out the milk.

I am not eating sweets or fruit either. I am not craving either. I have more energy, and I am getting visibly slimmer.

So, my firend, if you want to lose weight, maybe stop counting the calories, stop counting the fat, stop counting anything other than the sugar… rule: less than 5 grams of sugar in a meal, less than 15 grams of sugar total for the day.

Doesn’t sound very exciting? Hey, you can have an exciting diet and stay fat. I don’t care, I want to be slim more than have my excitement limited to sweetness… how about dating, how about dancing, how about hiking… no one really wanted a fattie for those exciting activities…

I have made my choice.

Now, back to the no coincidence… can you see? I have shifted and my blog has been attracting people like myself. Wow.

Uplifting

KabbalahChick — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:46:55 +0000

Reading time: 4 – 6 minutes

I watched a movie last night. The Big Blue. a French movie about a deep see diver who dived deep into the ocean without an oxygen tank, just him with the one breath of air he took before he dived in…

Now, this type of movie is not my favorite type of movie, what made me watch it is Dr David Hawkins’ recommendation.

In his book, Power vs. Force he says that the movie calibrates at 700 on a logarithmic scale of 1 to 1000.

Einstein only calibrates at 499…

So I went out, and searched for it. Lots of opportunities to download pirated versions, I chose to buy the movie used… hey, if I am going to use it to move my own consciousness up the scale, might as well be high minded, right?

I watched the movie, and I didn’t understand it. In the end, the hero chooses to go back into the depth of the sea instead of staying with his pregnant girl-friend.

I wanted to look it up on google, maybe I misunderstood… but instead, in my sleep, it came to me: above a certain level in consciousness, where people rarely get, life is like deep down in the see. Rare thoughts, if any, dreamlike, you feel drunk with bliss. At least according to Dr. David Hawkins. He lives there, he says.

That is the world of the endless, the world of the soul. No wonder the ego, the always hurrying, always concerned, always opinionating ego drowns the few words the soul would say… no wonder our lives is so far removed from that dreamy, blissful state.

Then another part of the movie popped into my memory: the doctor says that at the depth these divers descended to, at 500 feet, the oxygen is so compressed, it doesn’t have the energy to lift these people up.

Lift them up…when they are the deepest in the water, where their souls are the freest, their body is the least able to uplift… the diver says, “at that level you need a really good reason to want to come back.”

I don’t like choosing. If you know me, you know that one of my favorite sayings is “have your cake and eat it too.” Choosing, for me, is like cutting off your arm, your legs, your head?

So how can you uplift your soul and not damage your body? How can you, on demand, elevate your soul? Be, at least a little bit, in that blissful domain of no worries and no concerns, in that domain of all knowing, in that domain of all-loving?

In the day-to-day, dog-eat-dog world, it can be near impossible. In that world, joy has to have a reason, and lasts for mere seconds. In that world loving is a deal: I love you and you love me. You break your word: too bad, the deal is off.

Then I thought that appreciation and gratitude are the instant shoe-lifts for your soul.

Don’t believe me? Try it. Attempt to be grateful, for anything, for a moment. You’ll experience a sudden elevation in your state. If you can.

If your vibration level is too low, it may take many attempts. At first you’ll want to appreciate something that you can see that you have a reason to. After enough practice, you’ll be able to appreciate and be grateful for its own sake.

Another book I read recently says: one can start to elevate themselves from slavery and poverty the moment they start noticing and appreciating beauty.

As I am sitting here, in front of my panorama window overlooking a valley in Syracuse, NY, with the streaked sky that looks like my hair when I get up: no two hairs go in the same direction… with the few yellow leaves still clinging to the bare branches of the trees, with the silence of the fall crisp air, my heart fills with gratitude. My eyes well up and I experience instant take-off.

A lift from the mundane to the dominion of the sacred.

If this were taught in schools, the world’s population’s vibration would rise from the current 207 into the late 200′s or maybe into the 300′s. And guess what can’t live in that rarefied world? Thoughts of greed, murder, abuse. Just like most people would die at even 100 feet deep in the ocean…

It takes practice. And it takes a liberation of the soul.

Is it worth it? Yes, take it from me. I have managed to go from wretched to a mostly happy, mostly pleasant individual. Now, that’s something. How did I do that? Exactly how I am telling you… with gratitude and appreciation. And with pulling responsibility towards me… but that will be the topic of another article… You can wait, right? You have work to do. You need to appreciate the world around you, the people, the sky, your cat, your food, your beauty.

Now go, start. Start today!

Please let me know what you thought of this post... I'm dying to find out...

Love

KabbalahChick — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 03:46:44 +0000

Reading time: 2 – 2 minutes

I am in love. Maybe for the first time in my life.

It started a few months ago.

How did it feel? I felt my whole rib cage bursting open, and there it was, open wide, like the arms of a mother a child feels pulled to run into.

It felt wonderful. I never wanted it to end. It was dreamy. It was energizing. Then the object of my love did some things that bothered me. He spoke badly of others, sounded belligerent, and other ways of beings that were not easy to swallow.

I cried. I pained. I questioned the wisdom of opening myself up for hurt.

He was short with me, and then he was sweet. I went from heaven to hell, over and over and over.

Upon meeting personally, I added lust to my burning love. “Unrequited love” I whispered to myself.

Vulnerable… that is the state love has put me. A constant buzz in my head… the kind of buzz you hear under water: it is the sound of quiet.

I began to appreciate, savor, love, my open chest, my abundantly flowing affection.

Then it occurred to me that love could be demanding, selfish, but not MY love. That I can turn that demanding nature of love and demand towards me, of myself, to be the best, do the best, be the most I can be.

Allow myself to live in that permanent state of love, while dilligently bettering myself. For who? For him? Maybe a little bit. But really, really, really, for me.

Thank you Love. I really appreciate the energy you have given me.

Make sure to comment below!

The vessel, friction, surrounding light revealed

KabbalahChick — Wed, 06 May 2009 23:29:06 +0000

Reading time: 1 – 2 minutes

There is a new source for Kabbalah learning, Kabbalah University.

I had been hesitant: it must be just another scam to get my money. But finally I gave in, and bought it. It’s $42 a month.

There are daily lectures and the experience is phenomenal. I have experienced an immersion like never before.

I have learned stuff I didn’t even know I should ask, even though it was about something I experienced.

For example I have been, from time to time, experiencing extreme anxiety, pressure, restlessness, almost a physical pain. It has nothing to do with what ‘s going on in my life, it has nothing to do with my health, obviously it is something non-physical. I decided that it was a good thing, but had no good explanation, why it would be a good thing.

I found out that the Light always wants to give you more than you want to receive. That creates a lack of vessel to receive the light. The pressure is an indication of that.

So what do I normally do when this happens? I play computer games, talk incessantly on the phone, all “satan” stuff, not in the right direction. OK? So what should I do to grow a vessel big enough to receive all the light that is coming to me?

I don’t quite have an answer, but one thing is sure: deflecting the light isn’t going to grow my vessel…

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Feel Well To Do Well Part 3

KabbalahChick — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 16:52:08 +0000

Reading time: 3 – 4 minutes

I spent 1-3 hours with a very negative person for seven months in the very near past. I hated about 60-70 percent of every conversation. My attitude was that there is an opportunity lurking there, and I’d find it. That attitude was encouraged by my teachers.

At the end of the seven months I noticed that my financial situation had started to go south when I started that relationship. I was now at a point when I was not going to be able to pay my rent…

A normally hidden thought at that point surfaced in this person’s speaking, and I realized that they were my enemy, and a downer all along. They were in it for what was in it for them, and made sure there was nothing in it for me. They didn’t like me, didn’t care for me, compared me with themselves and they always came out on top, thought it unfare that I would make more money than them.

In that moment of clarity I saw that in those seven months I had handed over the control over my thoughts and life to this person, and it was time to take it back.

I also noticed that it had been a pattern in my life. I could see that there was my desire to “lift up” other people, even if they weren’t particularly interested. I call that caretaking in another post of mine… (Studies show that when a higher vibration person tries to lift up the vibration of another person, instead of the desired outcome, the lowest common denominator wins. Other studies show that in sado-masochistic relationship the real control is in the hand of the masochist, not the sadist, like it seems on the surface.)

You notice that you are not energized by the relationship. You notice that your health, your energy level, your self-love, your connection with your purpose is getting weaker and harder to maintain.

In hindsight the same thing happened with my male cat. He wanted food, he wanted shelter (when he wanted it), but he didn’t want me. He didn’t choose me.

When I look at my relationships (male/female) I see the pattern: it begins with me relentlessly pursuing a stable and steady connection where I am the contributor/giver, thus I have the upper hand. They begrudgingly protecting their right to maintain independence. I increase the pressure. At some point we are best friends. I continue the domination with giving and giving and giving. At some point I catch myself, and break off the relationship.

That’s been the movie of my life. Quite disgusting, if you ask me. And makes for a lonely, unfulfilled life.

Luckily to me, this time I had my eyes open and my fingers pointing at myself. This time I have taken 100% responsibility for my part in this mess.

This fact, having taken responsibility for my role as a director/writer of this movie, I have given myself a chance to write and direct movies that are more fulfilling and satisfying than this repeated nightmarish ego-driven script.

Since the awakening and breakoff, my financial situation is looking up, I am more in touch with my soul’s desire and things unpredictable and delicious are starting to show up in my space.

Please take a moment to comment below.

How Do You Recognize Your Soul Mate?

KabbalahChick — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 01:19:27 +0000

Reading time: 10 – 16 minutes

On Saturday, January 3rd, at exactly 5:42 pm my nose started to bleed. By the time I grabbed something to hold to my nose I was soaked in blood. Red, thick, beautiful blood. Scary. My inner eyes projected a scenario: me, on the floor, dead, in a pool of blood.

I checked my pulse and it was bang, bang, bang, unusually strong. “I must have high blood pressure” I thought. Both my parents died of broken blood vessels… and both my brothers have high blood pressure.

The blood eruption repeated itself at 11:02 pm, three times on Sunday, and twice on Monday.

Monday night, as I was staring at the blank wall contemplating the chances of dying, I suddenly saw my Kabbalah teacher in my mind’s eye. She recently recovered from a nasty disease, and it had done her a world of good. She literally transformed herself during the months of her illness.

Suddenly, I knew that the same is happening to me. I knew that this scare is a gift, and it is a blessing. Seemingly in disguise.

The next thing I know, the bleeding stopped, and it hasn’t come back, knock on wood, for two whole days.

Naomi has been my Kabbalah teacher for three or four years. We butt heads all the time.

When she first called she dislodged me from a place of complacency. I both appreciated and resented her. It cost me money, it cost me comfort.

We have been through together a lot, sometimes having shouting matches. I decided many times that I would never talk to that uncaring b.. again.

I have grown more from her not agreeing with me than from all the adoration I had gotten from other teachers and coaches.

I think that our relationship is a soul mate relationship. She rubs me the wrong way, there is friction, there is chafing, and there is growth.

All of life is about growing, and soul mates are the secret allies to that. A half heavenly half hellish alliance.

A real soul mate won’t let you off the hook. The American ideal of always agreeing and always having a good time isn’t designed for growth, more for staying the same.

Soul mate relationship is about growth. Remember, the irritation caused by the sand in a sea shell makes it grow a beautiful jewel, a pearl. So is it with human beings… you can grow yourself to be something special through a soul mate’s friction.

Thank you Naomi.

Soul Mate stuff on other blogs in the blogosphere:

How about you, what do you think?

Sharing. The misused word… just share… i.e. sell?

KabbalahChick — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 15:42:45 +0000

Reading time: 4 – 6 minutes

I know the word sharing gets thrown around in these emails quite a bit. Sometimes we become numb to the word. To get back to basics, sharing means giving something of ourselves.

It can be sharing with someone we’re not used to sharing with. It can be opening up with someone we’re not used to opening up to. It can be calling someone with whom we’re holding a grudge and wishing them well and saying something nice, some words of wisdom. It can be anything. It just has to be an unconditional stretch.

As a certified est-hole and Landmark junkie, I have heard the urging “Share, share share.”

In Landmark they mean “Bring more chumps like you so that Landmark can become a World Class Organization, here to stay.” They mean: do our selling for us. Maybe they don’t, but that is how it lands for people.

In multilevel marketing companies (network marketing, MLM) they say the same thing, but mean, definitely, selling.

Now, I didn’t stay in Landmark for 20 years because it didn’t work for me. It did. And when I look back, the part that worked best was sharing.

After I did the first Landmark course, back in 1985, (it was called Werner Erhard and Associates then, WE&A for short) I was stunned at the new way people related to me. I used to be very unpopular, and that changed then, temporarily. I was loving it. I enjoyed people’s attention, interest, I enjoyed that they wanted to know what happened to me, or what I was thinking.

Previously I would push it to them. My thoughts, my opinions, you know the usual know-it-all stuff.

So I was more than happy to tell people about my experiences, and they would flock to Landmark. (WE&A)

By 1987 it wasn’t that comfortable for me to talk about myself, I was starting to see some pretty bad stuff about myself, and talking about myself meant being willing to get “naked” and being willing to change. That was both frightening and exhilarating.

I talked and changed, and talked and changed. I have (mostly) changed my condescending ways, I have (mostly) changed expecting people to take me beating up on them in good humor. I have changed a lot, and the technology I used is very similar to Kabbalah: I was sharing MYSELF, the good, the bad, and the ugly, with a commitment to become the best I can be.

I cried a lot. I turned people off a lot. I gave a lot and received, from the same people, or people in general, very little. But I got a lot of light. From the 99%, for my efforts.

In the 20 years I worked off almost half of my negativity. That is a lot, if you are wondering.

Every time you share yourself in a way that forces you to look at your dark side, your world becomes a little brighter. Your heart becomes a little lighter.

Then there were the relapses. Like a week or so ago.

I was in a seminar, online, and I publicly humiliated two other participants, by publicly telling my observations about them. My observations weren’t flattering. They were harsh, and condescending. I, according to Kabbalah, was shedding blood, like a murderer.

I needed to take a deep look into myself, with the help of Diana, my friend, and found that the behavior comes from an entitlement.

As a child I was abused. I decided that therefore I am entitled to abuse others, the way I was abused. The decision of a 4-year old. Self centered, uncaring, and plain wrong. (see another of my posts about this)

That relapse is now giving me a chance to transform that behavior and that thinking. The amount of light that has already come out of that incident is amazing. Finally, after 7 failed businesses in the past six months, it seems that he 8th is going in the right direction, I have made some sales… amazing.

The only thing I need to do to continue is find some other dark spots in my universe that need the light of day… (sharing) so that I can draw more light.

I have found, by the way, the next one. As tough and as painful as the previous one.

It’s about “fake” generosity… I’ll talk about it in another post… this one is getting too long.

Make sure to comment below!

Get the f… out of my way!

KabbalahChick — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 15:22:01 +0000

Reading time: 3 – 5 minutes

Recovering Victim, get the f… out of my way.

That was on the front of my T-shirt in 1991 at the Communication Commando Course… a week long Landmark Education program.

What was that about?

Here is the story.

In the course, on the 2nd day, if I remember correctly, we were talking about your “default” albeit hidden way of communicating. We formed small groups of five, and we looked at each other and made up a little statement of what we thought the person was communicating under their usual facade.

One guy in our group had the statement: “It doesn’t compute, it doesn’t compute, it doesn’t compute…”

Another’s was: “Beware, vicious dog… will bite if you are not careful”

No one could guess mine. The course leader, an older woman from Mexico, came over, took a look at me and said “Recovering victim”

As she was leaving, sensing my vibes (I guess), she turned back and added “Get the f… out of my way!”

When your statement was done, you needed to go to the back of the room, where a group of busy assistants painted the statement on a white t-shirt.

At the end of this exercise, we went, one after the other to the stage, and told the group what our statement was… while we were wearing the t-shirt.

When it was my turn, I said mine, with a huge amount of resentment, and then, as I was leaving the stage, I felt my legs move into a military march, like Hitler’s army, with the same amount of hatred and determination. It was awful. It had been hidden. From me. It had been probably there since the time I was raped at 3 and a half. It was anger, it was hatred, it was “you are all going to pay for this.”

It was horrible. I felt ashamed, disconnected, an outsider, a leper.

We went to have dinner soon after.

The dining room had big round tables for 18 each. I was there early, and filled my plate and set by an empty table.

As the room was filling (there were over 100 people in the course) people were looking for a table to sit by. Many came to the table where I was, put down their plate, ready to sit down. Then they took a look at me and my t-shirt, picked up their plate and left looking for another table.

I ate by myself that night, and then the next day, and the day after. We were wearing our t-shirt, till we transformed it.

My “transforming” statement was “Being available to play with all.”

It didn’t quite do the trick.

When the six-day long course was over, I called the airline and moved my flight to the next day. It was mid-November, it was chilly. My hotel was by the airport. I felt even more isolated and an alien than in the course. I bought some food and ate it walking on the roads…

At night I called a friend in NJ and told him that I was ready to end it all. The leper wanted to check out.

I don’t know what gave him the words, but he turned me around. He said: “It is not over yet. People need you Sophie.”

OK, I’ll hang in there then, I said and hung up.

And here I am, 17 years later, weeping at my computer. Not much has changed. Instead of being the “Nazi” 100% of the time, I am rarely it. But it did not leave. It did not transform. It is like antisemitism… deep roots. Deep roots in evil.

Your Turn: Do you have any advice you would like to share? What tips would you like to add? Please comment below.

Crave it to have it, crave it to keep it. Money? love? success?

KabbalahChick — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 11:41:54 +0000

Reading time: 2 – 3 minutes

The Zohar teaches us desire is a vessel that holds the Light. The idea is attaining blessings and good fortune is not enough to keep them. We must also maintain our desire for what we already have.
Not always an easy thing to do seeing as how our habit is to focus on what we don’t have.

Today, get in touch with the desire you first felt when you started studying Kabbalah, or dating your husband, or working at your dream job. Crave your life!

I had something happen today that was an interesting aspect of this same thing.

Diana and I are partners in our quest to create a business that would benefit both of us.

We have created seven projects, and all seven flopped.

Two days ago I came up with the eighth idea, and it was the simplest, and we have gotten further in this project in two days that with the other seven in a month or so each.

I suggested last night that we stop and celebrate. Diana said yeah, yeah, and started to ask about all the things we should add and do more, and are unfinished.

I stopped and noticed.

She had an impossible time to acknowledge accomplishment, to celebrate. And if I hadn’t noticed it, her life has been consistent with that. Downward spiral. Accomplishments have been mostly limited to averting catastrophy.

The divine purpose of our relationship, Diana and me, is to compensate for my blindness. Everything I notice in Diana is something I am guilty of, just couldn’t see it in a regular mirror.

Diana has been a total distortion free mirror for me, and I have grown in this relationship more than in the previous 60 years altogether.

It also helps that we live far apart, she is a Southern gal, I am a New Yorker… we have never met. But we have accomplished feats of true soulmates.

Hallelujah. And thanks for the Kabbalah. Without that I would run from the kind of people like Diana. I would stay in “blissful” ignorance and never grow.

I learned that maybe, just maybe I haven’t stop often enough, celebrated joyfully enough, appreciated what got done, the successes, the effort, the right direction, the whatever, enough.

A Kaizen second… I am so lucky.

Can you please comment below? I'd appreciate it.

Are you deserving? Or even your pets deserve more than you?

KabbalahChick — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 21:55:13 +0000

Reading time: 2 – 3 minutes

Many of us don’t bother to ask for more, or to challenge our status quo, or to dream bigger because we don’t feel like we deserve it. We feel, at the core, that we are “wrong.”

When we feel “wrong” in speaking up or fulfilling a deep need, it’s because we are getting in touch with something that wasn’t accepted in us when we were younger, or in a past life. For example, when people who weren’t allowed to feel joy start feeling joy, it confuses them, and even makes them uncomfortable. That’s why we sabotage ourselves.

Today, get in touch with what feels wrong to you. Give yourself permission to feel right.

Another aspect of this “being wrong” or “being the wrong one” is that we put everyone’s need before ours.

I developed that characteristic over time.

Just a week ago I had two cats that I spent more money on their food than my own, spent more time worrying about their well-being than mine.

One cat, an abandoned male cat was especially at the receiving end of my “selfless giving kindness.”

He showed his gratitude by using my apartment as a big litter box. I now have 5 litter boxes, but he still preferred the area behind my computers. I guess he wanted me to think of him when I work.

This past Sunday I had this thought that maybe I, and my well being is more important than keeping this cat in.

I threw him out. I cried all day. I was sure everyone will say that I was a heartless person. But all my friends celebrated my courage to disrupt this “martyr-like” behavior.

It’s been four days. I am at peace. I am enjoying my house. I enjoy time with my other cat. I eat undisturbed, I can keep the door closed, and I can sleep till 7 am without a cat waking me to take him out to pee.

Am I heartless? Maybe. But I definitely crossed some barrier with regards to my self-worth. Let’s see where it takes me.

Please add your two cents worth… (or a dollar?)

What's your next move, after having read this post?