As I said in my last blogpost, my 72-name is “Forget Thyself.”

In my “Your Soul’s Purpose” process it was worded this way “Bring The Divine to Everything.”

As I was reflecting on the last article I wrote, it occurred to me that one of my “unanswerable questions” is: “Am I smart enough?”

If a question is unanswerable, you want to know the answer all the more. So I have been asking this question since time immemorial, and I have been getting yeses and nos… never any clarity.

I have been asking the wrong question, and when you ask the wrong question, your attention is on the wrong thing. (I could ask the same question more generally, so that you can find yourself in it, if your question is not about your mental capabilities, like me. I could ask: Is what I am doing now make me look good? Is what I am doing now say that I am good/ worthy/ smart/ capable/ handsome/ creative/ informed/ educated/loser… etc. etc. )

Those questions are asked by the ego, that is only interested in its own survival. It is classic “desire for the self alone.” No effort necessary to worry about yourself. We are wired like that. We are also wired to have a hidden layer, underneath this seemingly innocent concern: and that is: do I look better than x, am I smarter than x, am I able to win in this competition that exists in my mind with x?

When you reveal that layer, you really see that in the moment you are in THAT inquiry, you just disconnected from the Light. Any concern for yourself disconnects you from the Light.

So when I perform a miracle, have a breakthrough, etc. (obviously with the help of the Light) and then I brag about what I did (i.e. how great I am) I am disconnecting from the Light and all the accomplishment comes crumbling down, because it wasn’t mine to begin with.

Bad news, don’t you think?

But as I was thinking that, I also had another thought, obviously from the Light, is that all you have to do is make the effort and then the Light will do the rest.

That though brought tears into my eyes. Tears of relief, and tears of gratitude.

I haven’t had a lot of experience getting help from anyone ever before. I wanted it, I craved it, I hoped for it, but never really experienced it. And the operative word is “experience” here, because obviously the help was always there, but in my 1% blindness could not see it, could not acknowledge it, could not revel in it, could not use it to the max…

My life has felt like the life of Sisyphus.

Quoting from Wikipedia:

In Greek mythology, Sisyphus (Greek: ??????? [sí.sy.phos] ['si.si.fos] (help·info), Latinized: Sisyphus,  was a king punished in Tartarus by being cursed to roll a huge boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll down again, and to repeat this throughout eternity.

Today, Sisyphean can be used as an adjective meaning that an activity is unending and/or repetitive. It could also be used to refer to tasks that are pointless and unrewarding.

or in another paragraph, same page:

“Sisyphean task” or “Sisyphean challenge”

As a punishment from the gods for his trickery, Sisyphus was compelled to roll a huge rock up a steep hill, but before he could reach the top of the hill, the rock would always roll back down again, forcing him to begin again.

The maddening nature of the punishment was reserved for Sisyphus due to his hubristic (overweening pride, self-confidence, superciliousness, or arrogance) belief that his cleverness surpassed that of Zeus.

Sisyphus took the bold step of reporting one of Zeus’s sexual conquests, …but regardless of the impropriety of Zeus’s frequent conquests, Sisyphus overstepped his bounds by considering himself a peer of the gods who could rightfully report their indiscretions. As a result, Zeus displayed his own cleverness by binding Sisyphus to an eternity of frustration. Accordingly, pointless or interminable activities are often described as Sisyphean.

The story (myth) of Sisyphus describes my life. Thinking myself clever, I have considered myself equal to the gods (the Light) and was arrogant, and my life and my results did look like before the boulder reaches the top of the hill it rolls back again. Wow.

And this has been my tikkun (correction). And until today I had no idea what to do and how to do it, because I could not see what I was doing.

I think this is important: you can’t see your own shortcomings, or not really, and therefore the first job is to see it. Others can help, but ultimately you need to do the work.

Once you see your tikkun, you can ask for help from the Light to DO your tikkun.

And if your tikkun is “Forget Thyself”, just asking is already beginning the tikkun. Wow.

” … pessimists are usually right, optimists are usually wrong, but most great changes were made by optimists.” — Thomas Friedman, New York Times, May 11, 2008

Ever felt like the mission of Kabbalah is too big? Like what we do may not make a difference. The environment is too far gone, people’s natures are too difficult to change, who are we kidding?

…Being an optimist is like telling the Creator “I believe in you. I don’t know how you are going to make it work, or when, but I know you can and will!”

Wow, what a job… you may say. And it probably is. How is he going to do it? After work? When he retires? You ask… and here is the “kicker.” He is going to do it 24/7. Global transformation begins with your own. And from your point of view, it ends there. That is the only place you have any real power. That is the only place that is up to you to change.

Well, you say, then what is special about Mike? He is doing what I am supposed to do, right? Yes, and no. And I tell you what is the difference: Mike will do it against the backdrop of “Global Transformation.” And will curtail his tendencies to try to change the world while he is unchanged. Familiar? No? It should be. It describes all of us. The difference is that it is Mike’s tikkun… while you, probably, are still working on some puny or less puny correction, like selfishness, impatience, etc.

My 72-name is “Forget Thyself.” For about 5 years it didn’t make sense to me. I am not an ego-maniac! In the 6th year I noticed an interesting phenomenon: whenever I would talk about an accomplishment, or a result, it wold go away. Instantly. Example: I would talk about (brag?) that my business just grew x dollars, and the next moment I would say all those dollars disappear, and become negative dollars.

I queried my friends if it ever happens to them, and it does, sometimes. Other people can get away with sharing about their good fortune, but not me. What’s that about.

Just very recently I had a suspicion: am I sharing those good things as MY accomplishments? I mean, do I acknowledge the Light for them? Am I grateful?

I noticed that in fact that suspicion was right on. I acknowledge me, i.e. ego spoke to aggrandize ego… and that is why I always lost what seemed to be already mine.

Next step is to figure out how to be humble… not an easy thing for me… Good. The harder it is the more light it will bring. Once I figure it out. Light, can you help? Please?