I spent 1-3 hours with a very negative person for seven months in the very near past. I hated about 60-70 percent of every conversation. My attitude was that there is an opportunity lurking there, and I’d find it. That attitude was encouraged by my teachers.

At the end of the seven months I noticed that my financial situation had started to go south when I started that relationship. I was now at a point when I was not going to be able to pay my rent…

A normally hidden thought at that point surfaced in this person’s speaking, and I realized that they were my enemy, and a downer all along. They were in it for what was in it for them, and made sure there was nothing in it for me. They didn’t like me, didn’t care for me, compared me with themselves and they always came out on top, thought it unfare that I would make more money than them.

In that moment of clarity I saw that in those seven months I had handed over the control over my thoughts and life to this person, and it was time to take it back.

I also noticed that it had been a pattern in my life. I could see that there was my desire to “lift up” other people, even if they weren’t particularly interested. I call that caretaking in another post of mine… (Studies show that when a higher vibration person tries to lift up the vibration of another person, instead of the desired outcome, the lowest common denominator wins. Other studies show that in sado-masochistic relationship the real control is in the hand of the masochist, not the sadist, like it seems on the surface.)

You notice that you are not energized by the relationship. You notice that your health, your energy level, your self-love, your connection with your purpose is getting weaker and harder to maintain.

In hindsight the same thing happened with my male cat. He wanted food, he wanted shelter (when he wanted it), but he didn’t want me. He didn’t choose me.

When I look at my relationships (male/female) I see the pattern: it begins with me relentlessly pursuing a stable and steady connection where I am the contributor/giver, thus I have the upper hand. They begrudgingly protecting their right to maintain independence. I increase the pressure. At some point we are best friends. I continue the domination with giving and giving and giving. At some point I catch myself, and break off the relationship.

That’s been the movie of my life. Quite disgusting, if you ask me. And makes for a lonely, unfulfilled life.

Luckily to me, this time I had my eyes open and my fingers pointing at myself. This time I have taken 100% responsibility for my part in this mess.

This fact, having taken responsibility for my role as a director/writer of this movie, I have given myself a chance to write and direct movies that are more fulfilling and satisfying than this repeated nightmarish ego-driven script.

Since the awakening and breakoff, my financial situation is looking up, I am more in touch with my soul’s desire and things unpredictable and delicious are starting to show up in my space.

click here to see the video on how to do it. It is not just what you do, but what you see while you are doing it… the Hebrew letters. Very important.

I spent 20 years in Landmark.

The most important thing I learned there was that all the power for you lies in the part of reality that you don’t know that you don’t know.

They demonstrate the proportions with a pie chart: the whole pie is all that could be known. A thin slice is what you know. Another thin slice is what you don’t know and you know that you don’t know. For example I know I don’t know how to fly. These things you can learn if you have the time, money, etc. But what about the rest of the pie? That is the 99% of reality. The part that you don’t know that you don’t know. The part I considered non-existent until Landmark. The part is that is like water for the fish.

Imagine a fish swimming around happily in an aquarium. Do you think the fish knows it swims in water? Don’t guess, it doesn’t. That is the only environment it knows, and it is invisible for him.

Now, imagine the fish jumping out of the water, flying in the air looking down at the water, gasping: “Oh my Gosh, water!” Just before it plops back into the water.

In that split “Kaizen second” he suddenly gained access to the DKDK (don’t know that don’t know) paradigm.

Very easy to notice and promptly forget. Or explain away. Like my last boyfriend’s alcohol breath at 11 am at our first date.

But when it jolts you out of your normal sleeping mode, it is invaluable. That is why I stayed in Landmark for 20 years.

One of these moments were when, at age 40, after complaining all my life that my mother didn’t love me, I managed, for a split “Kaizen second” see, what it must have been like for her to have a child whose attitude was “My mother never loved me.” For a split Kaizen second I saw it, and I could never complain about her again. I couldn’t. Because I suddenly had no idea what she would have been like, had I complained about her loving me too much. Or, G-d forbid, hadn’t complained about anything.

That Kaizen second was my first foray into the 99%.

For many it is the “Necker Cube Demonstration.” (see illustration)

The power of those seconds to alter past, present, and future is the “Real Power”.

The power to become well, wealthy, fulfilled, connected, significant, exuberant, and to making a difference. Even to becoming thin, or having a clean house, or having a wrinkle free face at age 61.

Once you “really” know about that whole big paradigm, the 99%, you arrive to the state of certainty. And you will appreciate the Kaizen seconds, you will even become diligent at generating them, instead of waiting for them to pop up.