I had been hesitant: it must be just another scam to get my money. But finally I gave in, and bought it. It’s $42 a month.

There are daily lectures and the experience is phenomenal. I have experienced an immersion like never before.

I have learned stuff I didn’t even know I should ask, even though it was about something I experienced.

For example I have been, from time to time, experiencing extreme anxiety, pressure, restlessness, almost a physical pain. It has nothing to do with what ‘s going on in my life, it has nothing to do with my health, obviously it is something non-physical. I decided that it was a good thing, but had no good explanation, why it would be a good thing.

I found out that the Light always wants to give you more than you want to receive. That creates a lack of vessel to receive the light. The pressure is an indication of that.

So what do I normally do when this happens? I play computer games, talk incessantly on the phone, all “satan” stuff, not in the right direction. OK? So what should I do to grow a vessel big enough to receive all the light that is coming to me?

I don’t quite have an answer, but one thing is sure: deflecting the light isn’t going to grow my vessel…

Dream 1: I am playing with and fascinated by some colored dots that make a pattern, though moving, still a pattern, building something. At some point the dots suddenly lose color and die, and the fascinating pattern deteriorates to a one color dying, diminishing mess. I wake up. I know it is the message I asked for. My interpretation: don’t be fascinated with the ever changing outside world… turn your attention inward where you call all the shots.

Dream 2: I am invited to a conference in France. I haven’t been there for over 30 years. I want to go. I go. I just throw some clothes in an overnight bag and go. I am there, and I am having fun. I am ready to come back… I can’t. The doors of the US are closed. I am not having fun any more. I have no money, no place to stay. None of my things, including my business, are with me, it was all left in the US. I panic. I wake up. I sob. “I left without as much as a blanket and a pillow…” I cry. I know it is a message. I don’t think I have asked for this. But it came, so it is relevant. My interpretation: 1. think before you leap and don’t do something if it risks too much. 2. Leap. Build from nothing. that is where the blessing is. How can you do those two things at the same time?

The above two dreams came two nights in a row. It started out the same way: before I was swept into sleep, I asked the Light to send me guidance through my dream.

The language of the beyond is not a left-brain language. If you can’t feel it, it missed its purpose, no communication happened.

Sometimes you “kill” its original meaning by forcing left brain interpretations on the message. If it is not obviously clear, you are better off allowing it to be.

Writing down your dream is useful. Dreams have a tendency to want to disappear.

Sometimes the guidance comes later in the morning. Today I definitely had a second dose of guidance… deeper into the spiritual health care topic I have been toying with.

A friend sent me a book, One minute cure… a book on oxygen therapies. I read the long “message” and suddenly I got depressed. Often a sudden depression is a good sign that you are attempting to do something that is on your path but is hard for your ego to allow you to do. Ego=Satan.

Getting guidance is important.

What I didn’t say in THAT blogpost on my recession blog, because it is ALL spiritual, is what happened in the last two weeks. It’s amazing, and it is probably the most important lesson one can learn about causing one’s life. (You may also want to refer back to my Live abundantly article

OK, here you go, here it goes.

Two years ago I bought a new laptop computer and gave my old one to my Kabbalah teacher, Naomi. It was a good computer, given from the heart.

A year ago I bought another laptop, but this time I held onto my now old one. But about six weeks ago Naomi told me that the old laptop was losing its monitor… it was slowly going blind. “OK,” I said, “I’ll give you my other laptop.”

I regretted saying that, the moment I said it. I need it, I want it… but then I watched myself not even touching it… it just sits there. “OK, I’ll clean it.”

Two weeks ago Naomi mentioned the computer again. “Don’t worry” I said “I just need to find time to clean it up for you. You know removing my stuff, restoring it to a new condition. OK?”

But cleaning a computer up takes two days, and I have been working 14-16 hours every day. I didn’t want to spend two days with that. So on the 20th of last month I had the thought that if I could get the money, I would rather not spend two days cleaning up that computer, I would just buy Naomi a new one. So I said, out loud . “Light, could I please have the money instead of having to clean that computer up? Please?”

Ten minutes later the phone rang and an unexpected order for 380 dollars was placed. 100% profit. OK, I said, half the price of a new computer… Light, can I please have the other half?

On the 24th I shared what had happened with Naomi. She said, “maybe what you have is enough for a new computer.” I looked up on Tigerdirect, and she was right. I found a good and cute laptop for less than $400.

Naomi and I finished our session and I went back to Tigerdirect. Now I was really confronted. I have always wanted a cute little computer like that, with Windows XP (that I like). “I want one for me.” nagged at me. “Maybe I give her my new computer…” I was sitting in front of the computer for what seemed an eternity, then I picked up the phone, and placed the order. With shipping it came to 396 dollars.

So, this is what I did.

That night I didn’t get tired, so I went to sleep rather late. Next morning I woke up, and I wasn’t tired. (I had been tired every morning, for many years…)

I had a great day… even though I got a nasty email from a customer. But I managed to restrict my urge to be nasty back, and she wrote back a nice note of appreciation. Wow.

I watched my face in the mirror, and I was getting prettier every day.
My thoughts about myself were something like “Hey, I am something. I am an amazing human being.”
In the last two days I’ve written 12 articles. I felt and behaved unstoppable. It’s early to say, but I say it will continue.

And when your behavior and your mindset is inspired, the other goodies, like money, fame and fortune will follow. You don’t have to worry about them.

OK, so this is what actually happened. Big deal, you could say, but you would be wrong. It is a big deal.

Why? Because I have distinguished an important spiritual law.

This is how it works: You create an action that requires you to restrict your egoistic inclination. You do it from the correct mindset: you do it to create light for yourself.

You don’t turn it into an ego trip, you don’t brag about it. This is important. It would stop the process cold right here.

You listen to the stirrings of the soul, the whisperings. If you can hear it, it says something nice about you. You express and feel gratitude for that. You listen for suggestions for an inspired action. When you hear one, you act on it, and express and feel gratitude.

All the while you are staying conscious that you do none of the actions for do-gooding purposes (very important), you are doing it to earn light. Spiritual Greed, or Enlightened Greed, as the Rav calls it. Do-gooding comes from Satan, comes from Ego.

You continue this way: listen for suggestions for inspired action, act, and express gratitude.

Don’t worry, the Light will help you along the way. Now you are working together.

There is no mountain that you can’t scale that way. There is no rock that you can’t push to the top of the mountain this way without it every rolling back to the bottom again.* In spite of all the temptation, every step of the way.

So this was the teaching. But the benefits did not stop there.

Another major fall out being able to answer my forever unanswerable question that I’d asked since 1966 when I first went to Architecture School. You see, I only want to do something that I can be really good at, who would want to be mediocre. Not me, thank you. So the question I asked: “Am I talented?”

Unfortunately, until today, I could not answer that question for myself. What everybody else said didn’t matter.

But after this revelation about how it works with the Light, I now have an answer to that question.

You see, architects are taught (in Hungary) in a one-on-one tutoring environment.

You see your teacher three times a week, for five months. That is the length of a normal project.

You put something on paper at home, and bring it in. The teacher puts transparent sketching paper on top of it, and starts working with what you had done. And talks, talks, talks.

You take his sketch home, and put it on paper adding your thoughts and ideas to it. You bring it back two days later. And it goes like that until the plan is done. Then you get a grade. And if your grade is good, and mine were all A’s, then you wonder if you did it or he did it, and if you are talented or your teacher is.

But just like in the above story with the computer: the Light (teacher) did not take the first step, I did. And the first step takes the most courage, because you can be all wrong. Then the Light (teacher) adds to it what he adds to it, and you take it home, and you have a choice to be courageous again or not. To act on the Light’s suggestion or not. To be slavish or to add your own brilliance and risk being wrong.

So I got that I was very talented, and it was a pleasure for the Light to work with me.

And I can keep it this way. And if/when, for whatever reason I drop the ball, now I know how to start the process again. The ball never rolls back again to the bottom of the hill. Because now I am not clueless like most of humanity.

And if you’ve read this far, you are not either… If anything is not clear, please don’t hesitate using the comment form to ask for clarification. Please.

* I am referring to the myth of Sisyphus in Greek Mythology.

Many of us don’t bother to ask for more, or to challenge our status quo, or to dream bigger because we don’t feel like we deserve it. We feel, at the core, that we are “wrong.”

When we feel “wrong” in speaking up or fulfilling a deep need, it’s because we are getting in touch with something that wasn’t accepted in us when we were younger, or in a past life. For example, when people who weren’t allowed to feel joy start feeling joy, it confuses them, and even makes them uncomfortable. That’s why we sabotage ourselves.

Today, get in touch with what feels wrong to you. Give yourself permission to feel right.

Another aspect of this “being wrong” or “being the wrong one” is that we put everyone’s need before ours.

I developed that characteristic over time.

Just a week ago I had two cats that I spent more money on their food than my own, spent more time worrying about their well-being than mine.

One cat, an abandoned male cat was especially at the receiving end of my “selfless giving kindness.”

He showed his gratitude by using my apartment as a big litter box. I now have 5 litter boxes, but he still preferred the area behind my computers. I guess he wanted me to think of him when I work.

This past Sunday I had this thought that maybe I, and my well being is more important than keeping this cat in.

I threw him out. I cried all day. I was sure everyone will say that I was a heartless person. But all my friends celebrated my courage to disrupt this “martyr-like” behavior.

It’s been four days. I am at peace. I am enjoying my house. I enjoy time with my other cat. I eat undisturbed, I can keep the door closed, and I can sleep till 7 am without a cat waking me to take him out to pee.

Am I heartless? Maybe. But I definitely crossed some barrier with regards to my self-worth. Let’s see where it takes me.

Please add your two cents worth… (or a dollar?)