I had been hesitant: it must be just another scam to get my money. But finally I gave in, and bought it. It’s $42 a month.

There are daily lectures and the experience is phenomenal. I have experienced an immersion like never before.

I have learned stuff I didn’t even know I should ask, even though it was about something I experienced.

For example I have been, from time to time, experiencing extreme anxiety, pressure, restlessness, almost a physical pain. It has nothing to do with what ‘s going on in my life, it has nothing to do with my health, obviously it is something non-physical. I decided that it was a good thing, but had no good explanation, why it would be a good thing.

I found out that the Light always wants to give you more than you want to receive. That creates a lack of vessel to receive the light. The pressure is an indication of that.

So what do I normally do when this happens? I play computer games, talk incessantly on the phone, all “satan” stuff, not in the right direction. OK? So what should I do to grow a vessel big enough to receive all the light that is coming to me?

I don’t quite have an answer, but one thing is sure: deflecting the light isn’t going to grow my vessel…

I have found that tithing is a great activator of the Law of Attraction. Especially if you give often, and with the right mindset. According to Kabbalah the right mindset is a kind of spiritual or enlightened greed, give hungry for your own growth and your own enlightenment, and not from do-gooding. do-gooding is from ego (Satan)

My specialty is the mindset (or the seed level) of spiritual growth.

One of the most puzzling things about Kabbalah has to do with the proportions of worldly to spiritual. It says it is 1%, as opposed to the 99% spiritual. Therefore if you do your job in the 1% reality, then the 99% reality will to its job. It is like putting in $1 to a self improvement fund, and your company would match it with 99. Good deal, isn’t it.

It may be a good deal, but very few do it.

Why? Because your mindset has to be certainty, instead of waiting for it to come, or hoping, or wishing, or at the other extreme, thinking that you can only count on yourself.

None of those mindsets activate the 99%. Bummer.

I am learning a “new” method of getting around fear method, called Kaizen.

Kaizen is the tiny steps method. A step can be asking a question, can be saying something, or doing something unthreatening.

Though no one says, the foundation of the Kaizen technique could be found in the 1%-99% Kabbalistic teaching.

While Kaizen is designed to fool the fear (Satan?) by not waking it up to the thousand mile journey you are planning, it only knows about a tiny step, and it deems it insignificant. And the tiny steps come, one after the other, in a leisurely way, and Satan doesn’t wake up until you are thousands of miles into your journey.

Each tiny step activates the divine, and makes it easier to get the 99% support.

It goes so counter with the bombastic declaration, or big hairy goals that self improvement gurus preach. And it goes counter with Kabbalah.

One place where you can learn about Kaizen is here.

I have been observing myself as a spiritual practice. Trying to “remember myself” as Gurdjieff would say it, call upon the “witness” or “observer”. Be awake. Either way, I have noticed something remarkable about myself: see if you can relate.

When I am in front of my computer* (where I spend most of my day) and I encounter something that requires the slightest push on my end, I see myself automatically going to the computer game of my choice, freecell.

I began observing this phenomenon about 6 months ago (it was there, unobserved, for many years). But 4 days ago I decided to employ “restriction,” which is one of Kabbalah’s main tenets, and see what will happen.

For about 36 hours I closed the freecell program as soon as I opened it. Then every time I was “awake” which means I was by myself and I was still observing myself. On the other hand, every time I was on the phone, or watching a video on my computer, or listening to an audio file, my attention wasn’t on myself, and I played… until I “woke up.”

Still curious, more interested in the experiment than conquering the force that moves my hand, I saw something today that is worth sharing.

Since I have started this blog, I have been watching how I somehow leak the energy that is necessary for creative thinking and expression… by talking on the phone, by playing freecell.

Every occasion when I need the little push and I opt to play instead, two things happen: 1. I have diminished the internal discomfort 2. I have successfully diverted my attention from what is important to me.

The first one is good, right? Who would want to be uncomfortable, after all. The second one reveals who or what is underneath this behavior: who would win if I didn’t do what is important to me, if I lived a life of quiet desperation, if I just vegetated, comfortably, but without any accomplishment of my own? Well, Satan, of course. Satan’s other name is Opponent or Adversary. Some cultures call it Ego. I even did once a week-long program where we called it “IT.”

IT has only one thing in mind, and IT is awake 24/7. IT wants you to play small, be comfortable, be selfish, worry about yourself, what you get, what you feel, what you…. it’s all about you. Even when it pretends that it’s about others… after all it is still about “what’s in it for you” in giving.

I have heard that before, others are teaching it… but these aspect of reducing the tension in the moment and thus reducing the capacity for push and diverting your attention long enough that you forget what you wanted to do… except for a gnawing feeling in your gut, that you just missed something important.

* When I am not in front of my computer, I find myself opening the refrigerator in a similar circumstance.