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Laziness… is it negative?
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Are you a spineless coward? A people pleaser? White lie teller?
Fear of speaking or hearing the truth is the biggest stumbling block we face in our desire to experience genuinely fulfilling, honest and loving relationships. When we hold something back, that something separates us from the other person. If we’re not open to hearing the words of others without reacting or taking them personally, we have distanced ourselves from those individuals.
It’s always easier to tell people what they want to hear. It’s often more comfortable to agree with someone, even if we disagree in our hearts. And since it can be equally frightening to confront painful truths about our own selves, our friends and family may feel compelled to tell us only what we want to hear.
Today when you need to tell the truth, have the courage to open your heart as well as your mouth. And when you need to hear the truth, have the strength to open your ears and close your mouth.
The last “evil inclination” to go
Rabbi Akiva was a great sage of Rabbinical Studies and had lots of students, around 24 thousand. They all studied, and followed the rules, and practiced, etc.
Regardless, when the great plague came, all 24 thousand students died except five, among them Shimon Bar Yohai, the author of The Zohar, the main written book of Kabbalah.
Why would all those students die, and why the five. The legend says that Rabbi Akiva went through rigorous self-examination after this plague, and came to the conclusion that it was his fault: he did not squarely base all his teaching on the most fundamental (and hardest) principle: “love your neighbor as yourself”.
It is hard to define exactly what this “love your neighbor as yourself” is, because it is so missing from today’s culture.
What is it? respect? willingness to support another?
I am no sage, so I am going to give you a few recent examples I have experienced.
Why this is important? Because when you are violating this principle, you are disconnected from the 99%. When you are disconnected: your life goes darker. When you are disconnected: the things you desire move away from you. Is that good enough reason?
OK, here is something that happened last week:
Two revered friends of mine, business partners, teach stuff on the internet through webinars. So far so good, right?
They are both extraordinarily talented people. One has a more pleasant voice and a more pleasing way of stringing words together though.
You may expect, but in order to make a living with webinars, you need to sell them… 🙂
Half the people like the sharpness of one of these guys, the other half gets enchanted by the oratory capabilites of the other.
The other night I was at one of these “pitch” webinars and noticed the orator’s attitude of extreme beligerance. I picture him in my mind reclining in his chair, and lazily pumping out oh, yeah, hell yeah… constantly interrupting sharpie…
I sent a private message asking”are you drunk?”
“I wish” was the answer
“you do sound drunk…” I replied.
“so much for being encouraging” he retorted.
“well, you sound drunk, snap out of it” I commanded…
It took him a minute or two, but he eventually came around and became part of the presentation, instead of hindering it.
OK, I hope is visible and plain that the attitude of orator was: I do this better, i speak much better than you, I should be doing this, not you…
This, clearly, is disrespectful and diminishing for his partner… so it is violating the principle “love your neighbor as yourself”
Would you have noticed? Would you have known what is happening? Or would you have just gotten, below your conscious level of thought, that there is something off… and that you should not listen to sharpie… that he is no good? I think so.
What am I trying to say? That it is so ingrained in most of us that it is an “either you or me” world, that it would have not occurred as a disconnect from the divine…
The first level of any transformation is awareness.
I used to gossip. I still do, occasionally. I now catch myself fast, but only after the word is out of my mouth.
Gossip is designed to climb on another’s ruined reputation higher… but it is a mirage… everyone who listens feels that you are compensating for something lacking in you.
Since I have stopped to be constantly condescending, proud, gossipy, and comparing myself to others, my luck has increased, my fortune is coming, my health is better, because I disconnect less and less from where it all comes from, the 99%
Feel Well To Do Well Part 3
I spent 1-3 hours with a very negative person for seven months in the very near past. I hated about 60-70 percent of every conversation. My attitude was that there is an opportunity lurking there, and I’d find it. That attitude was encouraged by my teachers.
At the end of the seven months I noticed that my financial situation had started to go south when I started that relationship. I was now at a point when I was not going to be able to pay my rent…
A normally hidden thought at that point surfaced in this person’s speaking, and I realized that they were my enemy, and a downer all along. They were in it for what was in it for them, and made sure there was nothing in it for me. They didn’t like me, didn’t care for me, compared me with themselves and they always came out on top, thought it unfare that I would make more money than them.
In that moment of clarity I saw that in those seven months I had handed over the control over my thoughts and life to this person, and it was time to take it back.
I also noticed that it had been a pattern in my life. I could see that there was my desire to “lift up” other people, even if they weren’t particularly interested. I call that caretaking in another post of mine… (Studies show that when a higher vibration person tries to lift up the vibration of another person, instead of the desired outcome, the lowest common denominator wins. Other studies show that in sado-masochistic relationship the real control is in the hand of the masochist, not the sadist, like it seems on the surface.)
You notice that you are not energized by the relationship. You notice that your health, your energy level, your self-love, your connection with your purpose is getting weaker and harder to maintain.
In hindsight the same thing happened with my male cat. He wanted food, he wanted shelter (when he wanted it), but he didn’t want me. He didn’t choose me.
When I look at my relationships (male/female) I see the pattern: it begins with me relentlessly pursuing a stable and steady connection where I am the contributor/giver, thus I have the upper hand. They begrudgingly protecting their right to maintain independence. I increase the pressure. At some point we are best friends. I continue the domination with giving and giving and giving. At some point I catch myself, and break off the relationship.
That’s been the movie of my life. Quite disgusting, if you ask me. And makes for a lonely, unfulfilled life.
Luckily to me, this time I had my eyes open and my fingers pointing at myself. This time I have taken 100% responsibility for my part in this mess.
This fact, having taken responsibility for my role as a director/writer of this movie, I have given myself a chance to write and direct movies that are more fulfilling and satisfying than this repeated nightmarish ego-driven script.
Since the awakening and breakoff, my financial situation is looking up, I am more in touch with my soul’s desire and things unpredictable and delicious are starting to show up in my space.