Tag: Relationship

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Why do you hold onto unproductive relationships?

Some relationships feed us and make us better people and others just drain us. It’s obvious why we maintain the good ones, but why do we hold onto bad friends, lovers, and relatives?

Guilt? Fear of being alone? Thoughts that one day we’ll get something from these people? Afraid of hurting them? Forget it. If an emotional tie is no longer serving you, then it’s no longer serving you.

Think of it this way – relationships are like bonfires – they require constant oxygen and firewood (ie. love and attention.) When we keep a bunch of fires burning because we’re afraid to let them die out, (I’ll call you soon, we really have to get together) it just sucks up our life force. There’s only so much fuel we can give out at one time.

Imagine if you could pour all of your love, compassion and oxygen into the ones that you are absolutely committed to (or would like to be committed to.)

It’s a big risk to let those little fires burn out. But the benefit is that it frees up your energy to devote to building up other fires that do serve you.

As you’re reading this, what person is flashing through your mind? Maybe it’s time to let that fire burn out.

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Laziness… is it negative?

I want to make sure we are clear on the idea of laziness. Even though the laziness itself doesn’t seem to be so negative, it’s the seed of remaining into the self-alone, which leads to sadness, feelings of worthlessness, anger, jealousy … .

Today, here are some ways you can choose to go outside yourself and inject a little love and effort:

-better the relationship with your spouse, family, friends

-manifest a good intention

-help your family, your community

-think about what you learned today and how you can improve

-fight bad thoughts instead of allowing them to continue

-develop discipline

-get into the gym

-watch what you are putting in your mouth

-pray

-read Zohar

-help another worse off than you

-break a bad habit

Take your pick.

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Tell The Truth… Even if it hurts

It’s difficult to be lovingly truthful with others. When an opportunity arises to confront someone with the truth, we lock up; our hearts race and our adrenaline pumps at the mere prospect of speaking our mind.

It’s always easier to tell people what they want to hear. It’s more comfortable to agree with someone even if we don’t agree in our hearts.

Fear of speaking the truth is a stumbling block we face in our desire to experience fulfilling, honest and loving relationships. When we hold something back, that something separates us from the other person.

Today, be courageous. Open your mouth when you need to tell the truth.

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Are you a spineless coward? A people pleaser? White lie teller?

Fear of speaking or hearing the truth is the biggest stumbling block we face in our desire to experience genuinely fulfilling, honest and loving relationships. When we hold something back, that something separates us from the other person. If we’re not open to hearing the words of others without reacting or taking them personally, we have distanced ourselves from those individuals.

It’s always easier to tell people what they want to hear. It’s often more comfortable to agree with someone, even if we disagree in our hearts. And since it can be equally frightening to confront painful truths about our own selves, our friends and family may feel compelled to tell us only what we want to hear.

Today when you need to tell the truth, have the courage to open your heart as well as your mouth. And when you need to hear the truth, have the strength to open your ears and close your mouth.

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shall I get rid of the bad or shall I pile on the good?

Get rid of the bad or take superfood? bandits or preachers

The age old question of any spiritual or self-help movement is: shall I get rid of the bad or shall I pile on the good?

If you look at health advertisements, the main line is: take stuff to pile on the good.

What does this say to you? For most people that means, that is what they should do. Look at the proliferation of superfoods, acai, etc. and tell me if this isn’t so.

But “who” is directing the main line? Who’s voice is trumpeted through all media? The Light or the Opponent? Of course it is the Opponent, the darkness, the ego part. But why would the ego part be so interested in you thinking that all you need to do is add some more goodies to your life, and everything will be all right?

I am going to use a little story here to drive the answer home. Imagine a that 100 righteous men are locked up by 100 bandits. The bandits beat up the righteous men every night. The light of the righteous men is dimmer by the day. The world is getting darker by the minute. This is your life: your health, your wealth, your relationships… I am not talking about an imaginary scenario: this is your life!

You have a choice: will you send in troops to strengthen the righteous men or will you send in troops with weapons to get rid of the bandits? Will you try to offset all the bad stuff you do and think with some good acts, or will you kill off the bad stuff?

Eating superfoods is like trying to fatten the righteous men, they will die from the daily beatings anyway. But the sellers make an incredible profit in the meantime.

The smart answer is: decimate or kill off the bandits.  i.e. stop doing what is killing you and what supports the darkness.

And this is what Kabbalah teaches, exactly. Its whole foundation is to make choices, moment to moment, to stop feeding the ego and listen to the soul. You can’t do both. At any moment, you are either in light or in darkness.

When you are hurting others, indulge, or feel jealousy, greed, anger, however justified, your world is all dark. Every moment you share, your world is all light.

Just like stealing money and giving 10% of it to charity wouldn’t make your world light, overindulging in bad stuff and then taking a multi-vitamin is all dark. Superfood are great when you have already stopped what’s killing you.

You need to cut out the bad, like the bandits in our story.

I wish I had known this before. I am paying the price now.

But you see, it’s never too late. Killing the bandits takes a moment. Even if it is your last.