{"id":163,"date":"2008-12-17T10:22:01","date_gmt":"2008-12-17T15:22:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/?p=163"},"modified":"2009-01-21T16:48:04","modified_gmt":"2009-01-21T21:48:04","slug":"get-the-f-out-of-my-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/163\/","title":{"rendered":"Get the f… out of my way!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Hitler'sRecovering Victim, get the f… out of my way<\/a>.<\/p>\n

That was on the front of my T-shirt in 1991 at the Communication Commando Course… a week long Landmark Education program.<\/p>\n

What was that about?<\/p>\n

Here is the story.<\/p>\n

In the course, on the 2nd day, if I remember correctly, we were talking about your “default” albeit hidden way of communicating. We formed small groups of five, and we looked at each other and made up a little statement of what we thought the person was communicating under their usual facade.<\/p>\n

One guy in our group had the statement: “It doesn’t compute, it doesn’t compute, it doesn’t compute…”<\/p>\n

Another’s was: “Beware, vicious dog… will bite if you are not careful”<\/p>\n

No one could guess mine. The course leader, an older woman from Mexico, came over, took a look at me and said “Recovering victim”<\/p>\n

As she was leaving, sensing my vibes (I guess), she turned back and added “Get the f… out of my way!”<\/p>\n

When your statement was done, you needed to go to the back of the room, where a group of busy assistants painted the statement on a white t-shirt.<\/p>\n

At the end of this exercise, we went, one after the other to the stage, and told the group what our statement was… while we were wearing the t-shirt.<\/p>\n

When it was my turn, I said mine, with a huge amount of resentment, and then, as I was leaving the stage, I felt my legs move into a military march, like Hitler’s army, with the same amount of hatred and determination. It was awful. It had been hidden. From me. It had been probably there since the time I was raped at 3 and a half. It was anger, it was hatred, it was “you are all going to pay for this.”<\/p>\n

It was horrible. I felt ashamed, disconnected, an outsider, a leper.<\/p>\n

We went to have dinner soon after.<\/p>\n

The dining room had big round tables for 18 each. I was there early, and filled my plate and set by an empty table.<\/p>\n

As the room was filling (there were over 100 people in the course) people were looking for a table to sit by. Many came to the table where I was, put down their plate, ready to sit down. Then they took a look at me and my t-shirt, picked up their plate and left looking for another table.<\/p>\n

I ate by myself that night, and then the next day, and the day after. We were wearing our t-shirt, till we transformed it.<\/p>\n

My “transforming” statement was “Being available to play with all.”<\/p>\n

It didn’t quite do the trick.<\/p>\n

When the six-day long course was over, I called the airline and moved my flight to the next day. It was mid-November, it was chilly. My hotel was by the airport. I felt even more isolated and an alien than in the course. I bought some food and ate it walking on the roads…<\/p>\n

At night I called a friend in NJ and told him that I was ready to end it all. The leper wanted to check out.<\/p>\n

I don’t know what gave him the words, but he turned me around. He said: “It is not over yet. People need you Sophie.”<\/p>\n

OK, I’ll hang in there then, I said and hung up.<\/p>\n

And here I am, 17 years later, weeping at my computer. Not much has changed. Instead of being the “Nazi” 100% of the time, I am rarely it. But it did not leave. It did not transform. It is like antisemitism<\/a>… deep roots. Deep roots in evil.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Recovering Victim, get the f… out of my way. That was on the front of my T-shirt in 1991 at the Communication Commando Course… a week long Landmark Education program. What was that about? Here is the story. In the course, on the 2nd day, if I remember correctly, we were talking about your “default” … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Get the f… out of my way!”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,15],"tags":[7,689,691,1573,2101,548,683,674,1815,695,2110,676,681,680,1888,687,688,667,1863,1931,4,131,321,549,690,692,777,682,685,675,693,642,694,1822,686,1770,679,468,550,1792,677,678,340],"class_list":["post-163","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-kabbalah-basics","category-my-personal-story","tag-7","tag-anger","tag-army","tag-blog","tag-cat","tag-commando-course","tag-communication","tag-course-leader","tag-dd","tag-dining-room","tag-ears","tag-education-program","tag-exercise","tag-facade","tag-guess","tag-hatred","tag-hitler","tag-image","tag-images","tag-img","tag-kabbalah","tag-landmark","tag-landmark-education","tag-landmark-program","tag-legs","tag-leper","tag-lt","tag-mexico","tag-military-march","tag-older-woman","tag-outsider","tag-people","tag-plat","tag-ra","tag-resentment","tag-roots","tag-small-groups","tag-sophie","tag-t-shirt","tag-target","tag-vibes","tag-white-t-shirt","tag-wikipedia"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/163","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=163"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/163\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=163"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=163"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=163"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}