{"id":460,"date":"2009-01-09T17:50:20","date_gmt":"2009-01-09T22:50:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/?p=460"},"modified":"2017-08-08T18:38:10","modified_gmt":"2017-08-08T23:38:10","slug":"life-film-noir-fritz-langs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/460\/","title":{"rendered":"My life in Film Noir, Fritz Lang’s M, The Tongue in The Shoes"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"hand,I had a conversation with Zsuzsa, a friend of mine from architecture school.<\/p>\n

I normally hide from her, because she is traditionally very negative. But last instant messaging we had she sounded upbeat, so I thought, I’d give it a try. I know how to break off a conversation when it goes south.<\/p>\n

As fate has it, she broke her hand a few months ago, it didn’t heal well, and she has had a lot of pain. Interestingly it has changed her. Permanently or temporarily, I don’t know. My hunch is that it is temporary…<\/p>\n

Anyway, I shared with her my experience with the nose bleed. She didn’t quite grasp it at first. She has had nose bleeds but her first thought wasn’t: this is the beginning of the end, so for her the chance of a breakthrough with that would have been small.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, given that she is an architect, her right hand is her bread and butter, so creating a new way to look at it was a definite breakthrough for her.<\/p>\n

I was mulling over this today as I was washing my hands in the bathroom.<\/p>\n

“You need to trust the whisper inside your head that says that what’s happening is a good thing.” I thought, but then I cringed. Some 58 years ago I thought just that and where did it lead me?!
\n
\nI saw what happened as a movie, just like “M” the German movie about a child murderer<\/a>. Mass murderer, to be exact. I could hear my own giggle, like it is in a movie theater, then my own screaming.<\/p>\n

Then I heard the gasping of the strangers who looked down at me in a tight circle in the barn, then the train, chi-hoo-hoo-hoo, and then my mother’s cold words, “You are a whore.”<\/p>\n

Very film noir<\/a>, artsy movie style, black and white, sparse, sounds, light and dark. Choppy.<\/p>\n

Against that backdrop, my mother’s reaction suddenly didn’t make sense.<\/p>\n

\"\"Next scene: my mother asking me in the car: “Was I a horrible mother?” I glimpse at her. The background is the magnificent lights of Manhattan Island from New Jersey. Her face is small and pleading. I don’t have the heart to tell her to what degree I’d thought she was horrible.<\/p>\n

I decided to create a new movie, right then, right there.<\/p>\n

“No, mother. You must have been the perfect mother for me, because I turned out. I like myself.” I lied.<\/p>\n

The Landmark Forum leader who’d helped me re-interpret my mother’s statement “You are a whore” a few years earlier was famous for his saying: Integrity is when both tongues go in the same direction. The tongue in the mouth and the tongue in the shoes.<\/p>\n

I have set a new direction with my mouth, my job was to adjust my actions, the tongue in the shoes, to go in the same direction.<\/p>\n

The car conversation happened in 1992. Today, in the bathroom, recalling the whole movie… I watched my face in the mirror as it contorted with unmentionable pain and horror.<\/p>\n

I needed to change clothes, the ones I was wearing were soaked in tears.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I had a conversation with Zsuzsa, a friend of mine from architecture school. I normally hide from her, because she is traditionally very negative. But last instant messaging we had she sounded upbeat, so I thought, I’d give it a try. I know how to break off a conversation when it goes south. As fate … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “My life in Film Noir, Fritz Lang’s M, The Tongue in The Shoes”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[7,689,1703,1690,387,1698,1573,1696,359,369,1687,1733,1692,1815,2110,2115,1697,1691,1604,637,1614,667,1863,1931,1702,1545,4,131,777,1689,1688,159,1699,1555,1695,1822,2034,2077,1792,1693,1694,1700,1701,340],"class_list":["post-460","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-kabbalah-basics","tag-7","tag-anger","tag-architect","tag-architecture-school","tag-backdrop","tag-beginning-of-the-end","tag-blog","tag-bread-and-butter","tag-break","tag-breakthrough","tag-child-murderer","tag-clothes","tag-cold-words","tag-dd","tag-ears","tag-face","tag-first-thought","tag-fritz-lang","tag-glimpse","tag-heart","tag-hunch","tag-image","tag-images","tag-img","tag-instant-messaging","tag-job","tag-kabbalah","tag-landmark","tag-lt","tag-manhattan-island","tag-mass-murderer","tag-mirror","tag-movie-theater","tag-nos","tag-nose-bleeds","tag-ra","tag-shoes","tag-sounds","tag-target","tag-tight-circle","tag-washing-my-hands","tag-whisper","tag-whore","tag-wikipedia"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/460","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=460"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/460\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=460"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=460"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kabbalahchick.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=460"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}