Category: my personal story

Posted on

Why people are coming to this blog for weight loss info… hm.

Lose weight by restricting the sugarLike most blog, this one has a couple of software programs installed that tell me how many people visit this site, and how they got here. I can even see what they searched for to get to this site.

So, the past month or so, about 80% of the visitors came after they looked for weightloss… wow. Weird. but then again, there are no accidents in the Universe, really, no accidents.

When you can see behind the curtain, like in the Wizard of Oz, you can see the connections, plain and clear.

Let me reveal a little magic for you: at about the same time this rush of weightloss traffic started to come to this site, at the exact time, I had a revelation: that what’s been keeping me fat is what I didn’t know. Ha-ha… not very funny, is it?

About a month ago I heard that sugar, in quantities high enough (how about 6 grams… that’s one and a half teaspoon of granulated sugar… a bottle of coke has 42 grams of sugar in it) trigger a release of insulin, and insulin’s secondary job is to turn sugar into stored fat. Mainly around your waistline.

Now, that, I kind of knew… didn’t live like I knew, but as book knowledge goes, I knew it. But I found out something dramatic for me: a glass of milk contains 9 grams of sugar. My milk consumption was, at the time, a little over a liter a day. That is, my friend, 56 grams of sugar. Neatly concealed in whiteness…

Now, that was a wakeup call. It was loud and clear, that it wasn’t my genes, my age, it was the sugar that I unwittingly consumed that had kept me fat.

I went cold turkey, and cut out the milk. I have been putting a little bit of heavy cream into my tea, since then, and… drumroll please, I have dropped ten pounds, just by cutting out the milk.

I am not eating sweets or fruit either. I am not craving either. I have more energy, and I am getting visibly slimmer.

So, my firend, if you want to lose weight, maybe stop counting the calories, stop counting the fat, stop counting anything other than the sugar… rule: less than 5 grams of sugar in a meal, less than 15 grams of sugar total for the day.

Doesn’t sound very exciting? Hey, you can have an exciting diet and stay fat. I don’t care, I want to be slim more than have my excitement limited to sweetness… how about dating, how about dancing, how about hiking… no one really wanted a fattie for those exciting activities…

I have made my choice.

Now, back to the no coincidence… can you see? I have shifted and my blog has been attracting people like myself. Wow.

Posted on

Uplifting

I watched a movie last night. The Big Blue. a French movie about a deep see diver who dived deep into the ocean without an oxygen tank, just him with the one breath of air he took before he dived in…

Now, this type of movie is not my favorite type of movie, what made me watch it is Dr David Hawkins’ recommendation.

In his book, Power vs. Force he says that the movie calibrates at 700 on a logarithmic scale of 1 to 1000.

Einstein only calibrates at 499…

So I went out, and searched for it. Lots of opportunities to download pirated versions, I chose to buy the movie used… hey, if I am going to use it to move my own consciousness up the scale, might as well be high minded, right?

I watched the movie, and I didn’t understand it. In the end, the hero chooses to go back into the depth of the sea instead of staying with his pregnant girl-friend.

I wanted to look it up on google, maybe I misunderstood… but instead, in my sleep, it came to me: above a certain level in consciousness, where people rarely get, life is like deep down in the see. Rare thoughts, if any, dreamlike, you feel drunk with bliss. At least according to Dr. David Hawkins. He lives there, he says.

That is the world of the endless, the world of the soul. No wonder the ego, the always hurrying, always concerned, always opinionating ego drowns the few words the soul would say… no wonder our lives is so far removed from that dreamy, blissful state.

Then another part of the movie popped into my memory: the doctor says that at the depth these divers descended to, at 500 feet, the oxygen is so compressed, it doesn’t have the energy to lift these people up.

Lift them up…when they are the deepest in the water, where their souls are the freest, their body is the least able to uplift… the diver says, “at that level you need a really good reason to want to come back.”

I don’t like choosing. If you know me, you know that one of my favorite sayings is “have your cake and eat it too.” Choosing, for me, is like cutting off your arm, your legs, your head?

So how can you uplift your soul and not damage your body? How can you, on demand, elevate your soul? Be, at least a little bit, in that blissful domain of no worries and no concerns, in that domain of all knowing, in that domain of all-loving?

In the day-to-day, dog-eat-dog world, it can be near impossible. In that world, joy has to have a reason, and lasts for mere seconds. In that world loving is a deal: I love you and you love me. You break your word: too bad, the deal is off.

Then I thought that appreciation and gratitude are the instant shoe-lifts for your soul.

Don’t believe me? Try it. Attempt to be grateful, for anything, for a moment. You’ll experience a sudden elevation in your state. If you can.

If your vibration level is too low, it may take many attempts. At first you’ll want to appreciate something that you can see that you have a reason to. After enough practice, you’ll be able to appreciate and be grateful for its own sake.

Another book I read recently says: one can start to elevate themselves from slavery and poverty the moment they start noticing and appreciating beauty.

As I am sitting here, in front of my panorama window overlooking a valley in Syracuse, NY, with the streaked sky that looks like my hair when I get up: no two hairs go in the same direction… with the few yellow leaves still clinging to the bare branches of the trees, with the silence of the fall crisp air, my heart fills with gratitude. My eyes well up and I experience instant take-off.

A lift from the mundane to the dominion of the sacred.

If this were taught in schools, the world’s population’s vibration would rise from the current 207 into the late 200’s or maybe into the 300’s. And guess what can’t live in that rarefied world? Thoughts of greed, murder, abuse. Just like most people would die at even 100 feet deep in the ocean…

It takes practice. And it takes a liberation of the soul.

Is it worth it? Yes, take it from me. I have managed to go from wretched to a mostly happy, mostly pleasant individual. Now, that’s something. How did I do that? Exactly how I am telling you… with gratitude and appreciation. And with pulling responsibility towards me… but that will be the topic of another article… You can wait, right? You have work to do. You need to appreciate the world around you, the people, the sky, your cat, your food, your beauty.

Now go, start. Start today!

Posted on

Love

I am in love. Maybe for the first time in my life.

It started a few months ago.

How did it feel? I felt my whole rib cage bursting open, and there it was, open wide, like the arms of a mother a child feels pulled to run into.

It felt wonderful. I never wanted it to end. It was dreamy. It was energizing. Then the object of my love did some things that bothered me. He spoke badly of others, sounded belligerent, and other ways of beings that were not easy to swallow.

I cried. I pained. I questioned the wisdom of opening myself up for hurt.

He was short with me, and then he was sweet. I went from heaven to hell, over and over and over.

Upon meeting personally, I added lust to my burning love. “Unrequited love” I whispered to myself.

Vulnerable… that is the state love has put me. A constant buzz in my head… the kind of buzz you hear under water: it is the sound of quiet.

I began to appreciate, savor, love, my open chest, my abundantly flowing affection.

Then it occurred to me that love could be demanding, selfish, but not MY love. That I can turn that demanding nature of love and demand towards me, of myself, to be the best, do the best, be the most I can be.

Allow myself to live in that permanent state of love, while diligently bettering myself. For who? For him? Maybe a little bit. But really, really, really, for me.

Thank you Love. I really appreciate the energy you have given me.

Posted on

The vessel, friction, surrounding light revealed

There is a new source for Kabbalah learning, Kabbalah University.

I had been hesitant: it must be just another scam to get my money. But finally I gave in, and bought it. It’s $42 a month.

There are daily lectures and the experience is phenomenal. I have experienced an immersion like never before.

I have learned stuff I didn’t even know I should ask, even though it was about something I experienced.

For example I have been, from time to time, experiencing extreme anxiety, pressure, restlessness, almost a physical pain. It has nothing to do with what ‘s going on in my life, it has nothing to do with my health, obviously it is something non-physical. I decided that it was a good thing, but had no good explanation, why it would be a good thing.

I found out that the Light always wants to give you more than you want to receive. That creates a lack of vessel to receive the light. The pressure is an indication of that.

So what do I normally do when this happens? I play computer games, talk incessantly on the phone, all “satan” stuff, not in the right direction. OK? So what should I do to grow a vessel big enough to receive all the light that is coming to me?

I don’t quite have an answer, but one thing is sure: deflecting the light isn’t going to grow my vessel…

Posted on

Feel Well To Do Well Part 3

drownI spent 1-3 hours with a very negative person for seven months in the very near past. I hated about 60-70 percent of every conversation. My attitude was that there is an opportunity lurking there, and I’d find it. That attitude was encouraged by my teachers.

At the end of the seven months I noticed that my financial situation had started to go south when I started that relationship. I was now at a point when I was not going to be able to pay my rent…

A normally hidden thought at that point surfaced in this person’s speaking, and I realized that they were my enemy, and a downer all along. They were in it for what was in it for them, and made sure there was nothing in it for me. They didn’t like me, didn’t care for me, compared me with themselves and they always came out on top, thought it unfare that I would make more money than them.

In that moment of clarity I saw that in those seven months I had handed over the control over my thoughts and life to this person, and it was time to take it back.

I also noticed that it had been a pattern in my life. I could see that there was my desire to “lift up” other people, even if they weren’t particularly interested. I call that caretaking in another post of mine… (Studies show that when a higher vibration person tries to lift up the vibration of another person, instead of the desired outcome, the lowest common denominator wins. Other studies show that in sado-masochistic relationship the real control is in the hand of the masochist, not the sadist, like it seems on the surface.)

You notice that you are not energized by the relationship. You notice that your health, your energy level, your self-love, your connection with your purpose is getting weaker and harder to maintain.

In hindsight the same thing happened with my male cat. He wanted food, he wanted shelter (when he wanted it), but he didn’t want me. He didn’t choose me.

When I look at my relationships (male/female) I see the pattern: it begins with me relentlessly pursuing a stable and steady connection where I am the contributor/giver, thus I have the upper hand. They begrudgingly protecting their right to maintain independence. I increase the pressure. At some point we are best friends. I continue the domination with giving and giving and giving. At some point I catch myself, and break off the relationship.

That’s been the movie of my life. Quite disgusting, if you ask me. And makes for a lonely, unfulfilled life.

Luckily to me, this time I had my eyes open and my fingers pointing at myself. This time I have taken 100% responsibility for my part in this mess.

This fact, having taken responsibility for my role as a director/writer of this movie, I have given myself a chance to write and direct movies that are more fulfilling and satisfying than this repeated nightmarish ego-driven script.

Since the awakening and breakoff, my financial situation is looking up, I am more in touch with my soul’s desire and things unpredictable and delicious are starting to show up in my space.