Buzz | KabbalahChick.com

I am in love. Maybe for the first time in my life.

It started a few months ago.

How did it feel? I felt my whole rib cage bursting open, and there it was, open wide, like the arms of a mother a child feels pulled to run into.

It felt wonderful. I never wanted it to end. It was dreamy. It was energizing. Then the object of my love did some things that bothered me. He spoke badly of others, sounded belligerent, and other ways of beings that were not easy to swallow.

I cried. I pained. I questioned the wisdom of opening myself up for hurt.

He was short with me, and then he was sweet. I went from heaven to hell, over and over and over.

Upon meeting personally, I added lust to my burning love. “Unrequited love” I whispered to myself.

Vulnerable… that is the state love has put me. A constant buzz in my head… the kind of buzz you hear under water: it is the sound of quiet.

I began to appreciate, savor, love, my open chest, my abundantly flowing affection.

Then it occurred to me that love could be demanding, selfish, but not MY love. That I can turn that demanding nature of love and demand towards me, of myself, to be the best, do the best, be the most I can be.

Allow myself to live in that permanent state of love, while diligently bettering myself. For who? For him? Maybe a little bit. But really, really, really, for me.

Thank you Love. I really appreciate the energy you have given me.

On Saturday, January 3rd, at exactly 5:42 pm my nose started to bleed. By the time I grabbed something to hold to my nose I was soaked in blood. Red, thick, beautiful blood. Scary. My inner eyes projected a scenario: me, on the floor, dead, in a pool of blood.

I checked my pulse and it was bang, bang, bang, unusually strong. “I must have high blood pressure” I thought. Both my parents died of broken blood vessels… and both my brothers have high blood pressure.

The blood eruption repeated itself at 11:02 pm, three times on Sunday, and twice on Monday.

Monday night, as I was staring at the blank wall contemplating the chances of dying, I suddenly saw my Kabbalah teacher in my mind’s eye. She recently recovered from a nasty disease, and it had done her a world of good. She literally transformed herself during the months of her illness. Continue reading “How Do You Recognize Your Soul Mate?”

About KabbalahChick

Hi!

I am Kabbalah Chick... It is a compliment, because I am not a chick any longer, as far as my years go, but in Kabbalah and I am a chick... young, learning, and as I learn, turning around and write about what I learned.

Some twenty years ago I read a statement that inspired me: (I am writing from memory...) "as I am climbing the ladder of wealth at every rung I step on I turn around and reach down to the guys and give them a helping hand to be able to follow me... " That or something similar... quite inspiring, don't you think so? I thought and continue thinking. Condescending, you say? Far from it. Uplifting, I say... and when you look at the root of the word "condescending" you see what I mean. Descend means to lower oneself, which most of us do, from ego. Uplifting means the opposite.

Some 15 years ago, prompted by a homework in a Landmark Education seminar (Integrity), I invented a purpose for my life. "Living on the edge, generating distinctions of transformation for humankind"

It sounds ambitious, but in fact it was an accurate description of my toppsy-turvy life then. My life has calmed down, and living on the edge has become more difficult to me now. Which is good. I now need to generate going to the edge so that any transformation can occur.

This blog is both an instrument of sharing, and an instrument of pushing me to the edge.

There are few that go to the edge and come back to share, not just the experience, but the distinction.

Distinctions, as opposed to examples (experience) are very instructive. Once something is distinguished, it can become a structure, like a ladder, on which you can go to the same place and have your own experience, have your own transformation.

With that said: distinguishing is my specialty. Transformation is my playground. Causing transformation, individually and globally is my passion.

Of all the tools I have ever used, Kabbalah has been the most useful in accomplishing my purpose.

I am worth paying attention to. I will take you to places where you have never been. So that you can have more light in your life, more satisfaction, more love, more abundance, more life.

Promise.