The last “evil inclination” to go

Rabbi Akiva was a great sage of Rabbinical Studies and had lots of students, around 24 thousand. They all studied, and followed the rules, and practiced, etc.

Regardless, when the great plague came, all 24 thousand students died except five, among them Shimon Bar Yohai, the author of The Zohar, the main written book of Kabbalah.

Why would all those students die, and why the five. The legend says that Rabbi Akiva went through rigorous self-examination after this plague, and came to the conclusion that it was his fault: he did not squarely base all his teaching on the most fundamental (and hardest) principle: “love your neighbor as yourself”.

It is hard to define exactly what this “love your neighbor as yourself” is, because it is so missing from today’s culture.

What is it? respect? willingness to support another?

I am no sage, so I am going to give you a few recent examples I have experienced.

Why this is important? Because when you are violating this principle, you are disconnected from the 99%. When you are disconnected: your life goes darker. When you are disconnected: the things you desire move away from you. Is that good enough reason?

OK, here is something that happened last week:

Two revered friends of mine, business partners, teach stuff on the internet through webinars. So far so good, right?

They are both extraordinarily talented people. One has a more pleasant voice and a more pleasing way of stringing words together though.

You may expect, but in order to make a living with webinars, you need to sell them… 🙂

Half the people like the sharpness of one of these guys, the other half gets enchanted by the oratory capabilites of the other.

The other night I was at one of these “pitch” webinars and noticed the orator’s attitude of extreme beligerance. I picture him in my mind reclining in his chair, and lazily pumping out oh, yeah, hell yeah… constantly interrupting sharpie…

I sent a private message asking”are you drunk?”

“I wish” was the answer

“you do sound drunk…” I replied.

“so much for being encouraging” he retorted.

“well, you sound drunk, snap out of it” I commanded…

It took him a minute or two, but he eventually came around and became part of the presentation, instead of hindering it.

OK, I hope is visible and plain that the attitude of orator was: I do this better, i speak much better than you, I should be doing this, not you…

This, clearly, is disrespectful and diminishing for his partner… so it is violating the principle “love your neighbor as yourself”

Would you have noticed? Would you have known what is happening? Or would you have just gotten, below your conscious level of thought, that there is something off… and that you should not listen to sharpie… that he is no good? I think so.

What am I trying to say? That it is so ingrained in most of us that it is an “either you or me” world, that it would have not occurred as a disconnect from the divine…

The first level of any transformation is awareness.

I used to gossip. I still do, occasionally. I now catch myself fast, but only after the word is out of my mouth.

Gossip is designed to climb on another’s ruined reputation higher… but it is a mirage… everyone who listens feels that you are compensating for something lacking in you.

Since I have stopped to be constantly condescending, proud, gossipy, and comparing myself to others, my luck has increased, my fortune is coming, my health is better, because I disconnect less and less from where it all comes from, the 99%

Make a decision… but which one? Hypnosis to the rescue

I called Steve Meade, excellent hypnotist for a session. I wanted help with choosing a niche for my future internet marketing endevours, because at the moment I am being tugged into 5 different directions, which means I am not advancing in any of them with only one fifth of my heart and energy available for each.

Steve and I had an hour long conversation, and set up the session for today… and I am writing this just a few minutes after having come out of the mental state of deep relaxation and focus… what a trip.

At the beginning I had difficulty breathing I was so scared of having to choose. I am not comfortable choosing. Choosing has never worked out for me. It feels forced, and I almost never make a good choice.

Finally, I was captivated by the image Steve asked me to put myself into, my favorite beach.

My favorite beach is a place where I was last 43 years ago. It was a time in my life where I was the happiest, the most confident: confidence of youth. I just had graduated from high school, and was accepted to architecture school where the overapplication ratio was 21 to 1. There were 96 spots, and over 2,000 applicants.

I aced all the exams, and I felt smart, powerful, beautiful (and I have pictures to prove that it was more than just a feeling).

So there I am, on this beach in Yugoslavia, sitting on a beach chair, half reclined, the water is green-blue, the sun is dancing on the gentle waves, the sounds of the water streaming down on the rocks is like crystal giggles, an occasional bird crying out. My mom is sitting to my right with a fishing rod, and across from the beach a small island with rich vegetation is beckoning. I see a storm hut there, and the beach there is sandy… The sun feels liquid, gently finding a way into every nook and cranny, a golden warm caress.

I am contemplating swimming over to the little island and back, just to feel the silky water on my body dissolving in the sun.

But, oh no, Steve is asking me to concentrate on the horizon. Where is the horizon? I see a little horizon to the right of the island, so I start to concentrate on that, it is far, it is vague, and it is not where I want to go. But that is what he asks me to go to, and he says a path arises from the water leading me there.

Hm. How about going to the island first, and maybe from there I will be able to see small islands, rocks, maybe pebbles that will call out to me to go to, and I can break up the “trip” to delicious and attractive bits… allow the path to choose me, instead of the dreaded heady choosing.

And in my imagination that is exactly what I do. As soon as I fully “own” and “love” my little island another one starts to beckon and love me away, choose me, and I am passed, loving hand to loving hand, all the way to heaven.

As far as I can see, this model that emerged from this hypnosis session is in harmony with my “human design,” with being a quick-start (conation), and with all the successful choices I have ever made in my life… choose to accept an invitation.

Thank you Steve. you are a master hypnotist, and I am very happy with my result. Thank you, thank you.

Doing The Dishes, Kaizen, Boundaries

As difficult as dirty dishes can be, they’re even worse when you let them sit for a while. And the longer they sit, the harder they are to clean.
This is life. Something that is potentially easy to clean up right after it happens – an unkind word to your father, a lie to your best friend, an insensitivity to your girlfriend – can become a difficult mess if you don’t deal with it now.
Do the dishes today.

I have been thinking about Kaizen a lot. Kaizen can be the saving grace for a lot of people, because Kaizen is a way of life, a non-threatening way, but it is an awake way, and most of us are not awake, but get jolted out of our sleepwalking by big things only. I am awake, and Kaizen is for me.

So I decided to use Kaizen to ease back into exercising. Since I stopped exercising, my face aged 10-20 years. That is a lot. I used to have no wrinkles, now I have folds, and wrinkles inside them… not pretty.

I have no special occasion to be pretty at, Continue reading “Doing The Dishes, Kaizen, Boundaries”

Satan? Ego? Useful or Faulty Design?

gurdjieffI have been observing myself as a spiritual practice. Trying to “remember myself” as Gurdjieff would say it, call upon the “witness” or “observer”. Be awake. Either way, I have noticed something remarkable about myself: see if you can relate.

When I am in front of my computer* (where I spend most of my day) and I encounter something that requires the slightest push on my end, I see myself automatically going to the computer game of my choice, freecell.

I began observing this phenomenon about 6 months ago (it was there, unobserved, for many years). But 4 days ago I decided to employ “restriction,” which is one of Kabbalah’s main tenets, and see what will happen.

For about 36 hours I closed the freecell program as soon as I opened it. Then every time I was “awake” which means I was by myself and I was still observing myself. On the other hand, every time I was on the phone, or watching a video on my computer, or listening to an audio file, my attention wasn’t on myself, and I played… until I “woke up.”

Still curious, more interested in the experiment than conquering the force that moves my hand, I saw something today that is worth sharing.

Since I have started this blog, I have been watching how I somehow leak the energy that is necessary for creative thinking and expression… by talking on the phone, by playing freecell.

Every occasion when I need the little push and I opt to play instead, two things happen: 1. I have diminished the internal discomfort 2. I have successfully diverted my attention from what is important to me.

The first one is good, right? Who would want to be uncomfortable, after all. Continue reading “Satan? Ego? Useful or Faulty Design?”