Tag: Time In My Life

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Love

I am in love. Maybe for the first time in my life.

It started a few months ago.

How did it feel? I felt my whole rib cage bursting open, and there it was, open wide, like the arms of a mother a child feels pulled to run into.

It felt wonderful. I never wanted it to end. It was dreamy. It was energizing. Then the object of my love did some things that bothered me. He spoke badly of others, sounded belligerent, and other ways of beings that were not easy to swallow.

I cried. I pained. I questioned the wisdom of opening myself up for hurt.

He was short with me, and then he was sweet. I went from heaven to hell, over and over and over.

Upon meeting personally, I added lust to my burning love. “Unrequited love” I whispered to myself.

Vulnerable… that is the state love has put me. A constant buzz in my head… the kind of buzz you hear under water: it is the sound of quiet.

I began to appreciate, savor, love, my open chest, my abundantly flowing affection.

Then it occurred to me that love could be demanding, selfish, but not MY love. That I can turn that demanding nature of love and demand towards me, of myself, to be the best, do the best, be the most I can be.

Allow myself to live in that permanent state of love, while diligently bettering myself. For who? For him? Maybe a little bit. But really, really, really, for me.

Thank you Love. I really appreciate the energy you have given me.

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Make a decision… but which one? Hypnosis to the rescue

I called Steve Meade, excellent hypnotist for a session. I wanted help with choosing a niche for my future internet marketing endevours, because at the moment I am being tugged into 5 different directions, which means I am not advancing in any of them with only one fifth of my heart and energy available for each.

Steve and I had an hour long conversation, and set up the session for today… and I am writing this just a few minutes after having come out of the mental state of deep relaxation and focus… what a trip.

At the beginning I had difficulty breathing I was so scared of having to choose. I am not comfortable choosing. Choosing has never worked out for me. It feels forced, and I almost never make a good choice.

Finally, I was captivated by the image Steve asked me to put myself into, my favorite beach.

My favorite beach is a place where I was last 43 years ago. It was a time in my life where I was the happiest, the most confident: confidence of youth. I just had graduated from high school, and was accepted to architecture school where the overapplication ratio was 21 to 1. There were 96 spots, and over 2,000 applicants.

I aced all the exams, and I felt smart, powerful, beautiful (and I have pictures to prove that it was more than just a feeling).

So there I am, on this beach in Yugoslavia, sitting on a beach chair, half reclined, the water is green-blue, the sun is dancing on the gentle waves, the sounds of the water streaming down on the rocks is like crystal giggles, an occasional bird crying out. My mom is sitting to my right with a fishing rod, and across from the beach a small island with rich vegetation is beckoning. I see a storm hut there, and the beach there is sandy… The sun feels liquid, gently finding a way into every nook and cranny, a golden warm caress.

I am contemplating swimming over to the little island and back, just to feel the silky water on my body dissolving in the sun.

But, oh no, Steve is asking me to concentrate on the horizon. Where is the horizon? I see a little horizon to the right of the island, so I start to concentrate on that, it is far, it is vague, and it is not where I want to go. But that is what he asks me to go to, and he says a path arises from the water leading me there.

Hm. How about going to the island first, and maybe from there I will be able to see small islands, rocks, maybe pebbles that will call out to me to go to, and I can break up the “trip” to delicious and attractive bits… allow the path to choose me, instead of the dreaded heady choosing.

And in my imagination that is exactly what I do. As soon as I fully “own” and “love” my little island another one starts to beckon and love me away, choose me, and I am passed, loving hand to loving hand, all the way to heaven.

As far as I can see, this model that emerged from this hypnosis session is in harmony with my “human design,” with being a quick-start (conation), and with all the successful choices I have ever made in my life… choose to accept an invitation.

Thank you Steve. you are a master hypnotist, and I am very happy with my result. Thank you, thank you.