Love

I am in love. Maybe for the first time in my life.

It started a few months ago.

How did it feel? I felt my whole rib cage bursting open, and there it was, open wide, like the arms of a mother a child feels pulled to run into.

It felt wonderful. I never wanted it to end. It was dreamy. It was energizing. Then the object of my love did some things that bothered me. He spoke badly of others, sounded belligerent, and other ways of beings that were not easy to swallow.

I cried. I pained. I questioned the wisdom of opening myself up for hurt.

He was short with me, and then he was sweet. I went from heaven to hell, over and over and over.

Upon meeting personally, I added lust to my burning love. “Unrequited love” I whispered to myself.

Vulnerable… that is the state love has put me. A constant buzz in my head… the kind of buzz you hear under water: it is the sound of quiet.

I began to appreciate, savor, love, my open chest, my abundantly flowing affection.

Then it occurred to me that love could be demanding, selfish, but not MY love. That I can turn that demanding nature of love and demand towards me, of myself, to be the best, do the best, be the most I can be.

Allow myself to live in that permanent state of love, while diligently bettering myself. For who? For him? Maybe a little bit. But really, really, really, for me.

Thank you Love. I really appreciate the energy you have given me.

How to Live More Abundantly… a Jewish Story

einstein quote: There are two ways to live your life, one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle.One night, the Shah dressed up as a peasant to enjoy the evening air undisturbed by his rank, and to wander through the streets of his empire unnoticed. He walked through town and reached the poor section of town. The street was quiet, but suddenly he heard singing from a little cottage. As he peaked through the window he saw a man sitting at a table.

He was amazed that such a poor man would be in such good spirits. He knocked on the door and asked if he would be welcome to join the man as a guest. They ate and drank together. After the meal the Shah asked the man how he earned his living.

“I am a poor Jew, I fix shoes in the street, and with what I earn I sustain myself for that day.” answered the man.

Sword“But what will be your fate if something happens to you or you get too old to work?”” asked the Shah.

“Oh I do not worry about that,” the man said happily. “I know God will provide.”

The Shah decided to test the faith of the poor man. The next day he issued a decree that forbidded anyone to fix shoes in the street. The Jew was stunned when he found out this new law, but he contemplated looking inward and said, “God, I am certain that you will provide.”

He looked around himself and saw a man with water jugs on his shoulders, and he saw that he can become a water carrier. So he hauled water from the town well, and sold enough to buy food for a day.

That evening, curious how the poor man made out, the Shah returned to the man’s house.

“How are you?” he asked upon entering. I came to see how you survived the new law.”

“God provided for me today,” the Jew answered happily. “One door closed, but God opened another. I am now a water carrier.”

The following day the Shah issued a new decree that carrying water for pay was not allowed. So the Jew spoke to God, and when he looked about him, he saw men going into the woods to cut trees for firewood. This he went with them and made enough for food for the day.

That night the Shah came again to check on the poor Jew. To test his faith more, the following day he ordered all wood cutters to the palace. When they arrived, with our poor Jew among them, he issued guard garb for them and a sword. They would be paid, but not until the end of the month. Our man was now really puzzled, for he had no food for one day, Continue reading “How to Live More Abundantly… a Jewish Story”

Sharing. The misused word… just share… i.e. sell?

thegood-thebad-theugly

I know the word sharing gets thrown around in these emails quite a bit. Sometimes we become numb to the word. To get back to basics, sharing means giving something of ourselves.

It can be sharing with someone we’re not used to sharing with. It can be opening up with someone we’re not used to opening up to. It can be calling someone with whom we’re holding a grudge and wishing them well and saying something nice, some words of wisdom. It can be anything. It just has to be an unconditional stretch.

As a certified est-hole and Landmark junkie, I have heard the urging “Share, share share.”

In Landmark they mean “Bring more chumps like you so that Landmark can become a World Class Organization, here to stay.” They mean: do our selling for us. Maybe they don’t, but that is how it lands for people.

In multilevel marketing companies (network marketing, MLM) they say the same thing, but mean, definitely, selling. Continue reading “Sharing. The misused word… just share… i.e. sell?”

Addictive Tendencies in Sharing The Light

A physical circuit
Yehuda Berg writes:

There are people in our lives who don’t want to receive what we have to give them. …

… we invest efforts into keeping some relationhships burning in our lives that we’d be better off letting burn out.

… life is all about circuitry. When we share our Light with people who don’t want to receive it, it’s like trying to fill a bottle when the cap is still on. Try as you might, with all of the love, intention, and desire to share, your energy simply cannot penetrate. And as with our favorite spiritual illustration, the lightbulb, if the negative pole is blocked, the circuit cannot be completed, and the energy cannot flow.

It’s not about judging people as worthy or unworthy. It’s about discerning who is ‘open’ to receive, and willing to use what we have to offer – wisdom, love, time, concern – no matter what flavor!

No doubt, if you go through your relationships, in your mind, one by one, you are going find several that fit the above description: Your desire to contribute to them is not received with an equal amount of desire to receive from you.

Some people, including my older self, Continue reading “Addictive Tendencies in Sharing The Light”