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Are you a spineless coward? A people pleaser? White lie teller?
Fear of speaking or hearing the truth is the biggest stumbling block we face in our desire to experience genuinely fulfilling, honest and loving relationships. When we hold something back, that something separates us from the other person. If we’re not open to hearing the words of others without reacting or taking them personally, we have distanced ourselves from those individuals.
It’s always easier to tell people what they want to hear. It’s often more comfortable to agree with someone, even if we disagree in our hearts. And since it can be equally frightening to confront painful truths about our own selves, our friends and family may feel compelled to tell us only what we want to hear.
Today when you need to tell the truth, have the courage to open your heart as well as your mouth. And when you need to hear the truth, have the strength to open your ears and close your mouth.
Seeds of Agenda: What’s In It For You?
Rav Ashlag, founder of The Kabbalah Centre, said that ego-less sharing is almost impossible.
When a person wants to change and transform themselves, they will never do it unless they gets something out of it.
The energy needed for the sharing and caring must come from their ego.
There is a paradox, no doubt. On one hand giving and sharing and caring sounds like it’s not selfish. On the other hand, without a selfish motive, no one will ever share. Mother Theresa, or anyone! But if the giving is selfish, the rewards are all ego-rewards, short term high, long term low…
But here is a move that will surprise you: when you acknowledge your initial selfish motives, the rewards of your giving are longer lasting. But when you think you are doing it out of the goodness of your hearts, there will be a short-circuit at some point in the process.
So, how do you do it? Be ruthlessly straight with yourself and find and acknowledge the ego root, the seed of agenda, in your “generous” behavior. Say, out-loud what’s in it for you.
For example I always say why I teach, that I won’t do anything that I don’t enjoy, that I only want students that I like and want to work with because I love myself… I never pose as a giver, I always position myself as the one who gets more out of each transaction that what I put into it.
Ever since I’ve been doing this, about a decade, the Light has been generous with me, my health have been much better, I sleep better, feel better, and life is working a lot better for me…
That acknowledgment transforms that same very seed into a seed of selflessness. How is that for an unexpected move… and paradox?
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